What I’ve Learned In New York

 

Don’t stand in the middle of the sidewalk

If you can’t get to it on the 1 train it’s probably not worth it

Buses have no concept of schedule at all ever so don’t plan around a bus if you can help it

Don’t text and walk at the same time unless you are like really good at that

It takes forever to get into Queens, you can’t get there in 20 minutes

Nobody is going to take your cell phone, don’t worry about having it out

Don’t go to Riverside Park at night

But when you do go make sure that it’s like crazy raining because no one is out pushing drugs when it’s crazy raining

There’s a bath house next to our school

Which means that people actually go to bath houses

When you’re home people will be like “are you dating someone” and you can just sigh and say “the city” and they’ll totally leave you alone

The police are there to help you but you have to be careful about that because they’re selectively there to help you

I have nothing to fear in my neighborhood

And by that I have nothing to fear from the not-quite-anymore addicts who sleep below me

Some days you’re going to want McDonald’s

If you do get McDonald’s bring a big bag so no one can see you hoarding McDonald’s

People don’t park near fire hydrants because people take those rules super seriously

Chinatown is like super duper compact if you’re walking on the edge you’ll take two steps and all of a sudden you’re not in Chinatown

The guys at the door can’t figure out where your birthday is if you have an ID from Connecticut

Everyone smokes here despite completely knowing that it’s not okay to smoke, to the point where I feel like I should be smoking

I am protected by the city’s walls and I am not scared

It’s How-ston, not Hew-ston

Harlem is part of Manhattan and when you say “I live in Manhattan” you have to be specific

It’s “on the Upper West Side”, not “in the Upper West Side”

Bedbugs are shockingly still a thing but not nearly as much of a thing as they were

If you’ve found your way to it they probably speak English there don’t let the Yelp reviews fool you

Little kids will run up to the apartments with mail slots and peek in the mail slots and their nannies will freak out

There’s a deli on the corner with an Italian guy working in the front and Hispanic guys working in the back and I know that they’ll make me literally anything which is comforting

Children running around Manhattan are more comfortable and confident than I will ever hope to be

Every Saturday morning this music plays outside my building and I have no idea where it’s coming from but I enjoy it and I don’t think many people do

Even when I complain about how much the city sucks I still love it so so much I will never leave

A New York minute is a fajillion times faster than a regular minute

A taco is delicious whether you get it in Midtown or SoHo or Brooklyn and we should all take a step back and really think about that

Literally whatever it is nobody cares so don’t try to brag or try to be unaccepted because it’s fine

New Yorkers don’t really go to Broadway shows or if they do they don’t advertise it, so don’t advertise it

Dive bars have disgusting bathrooms because it’s a dive bar that’s the point

Musicians are divas, all of them so of course me too

If you don’t fold your pizza people are going to JUDGE YOU so be ready for that because I wasn’t

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. stephenjayd
    Apr 28, 2014 @ 17:07:21

    I feel as though your description of new york is descriptive and informative. if someone came from a far away place and read your description they would have a fighting chance at surviving in new york city. i like the analysis of social behavior and norms.

    Reply

  2. yanelescobar
    Apr 28, 2014 @ 17:13:34

    I want to start off by saying that this post is the most entertaining thing I have read all semester long. Anna succeeds in creating an interesting and comical piece on what she has learned about NYC this semester. I don’t believe she intentionally wrote it with the idea that it would make readers chuckle, but she did write it with the belief that everything listed is valuable and essential to survive in NYC. I am impressed with the way that her stance varies from line to line. She has a way of starting a line with a fact that is written with a sarcastic tone, but is still very true. She jumps to a facts that reflect an experience she has had otherwise she wouldn’t be sharing them. The design of this post is easy to read and very well thought out on her part simply because it is a list. It was easy to read from line to line and I believe was essential in catching the readers eye. This list format is more appealing as opposed to a paragraph form. MUST READ.

    Reply

  3. yanelescobar
    Apr 28, 2014 @ 17:14:24

    wow i went in….. yep
    i luv dis doe

    Reply

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